Wednesday, October 31, 2007

AT+T - the new idiots 

This is the Dead Parrot Sketch from Monty Python. It is one of my favorite. It is also a good description of the last 3 weeks with ATT.

Customer: Hello, I wish to register a complaint. Hello, miss?
Shopkeeper: What do you mean, miss?
Customer: Oh, I'm sorry. I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Customer: Never mind that my lad. I wish to make a complain about the parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper: Yeah, that's the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead. That's what's wrong with it.
Shopkeeper: No, no, it's resting, look.
Customer: Look my friend, I know a dead parrot when I'm looking at one and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper: No, no, it's not dead. It's resting.
Customer: Resting?
Shopkeeper: Yeah. Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage. It'n it?
Customer: The plumage don't enter in to it. It's stone dead.
Shopkeeper: No, no, it's resting.
Customer: Alright then, if its resting I'll wake it up. HELLO POLLY. I GOT A NICE CUP OF FISH FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP. HELLO POLLY PARROT.
Shopkeeper: There, it moved.
Customer: No it didn't. That was you pushing the cage.
Shopkeeper: I did not.
Customer: Yes you did. HELLO POLLY. POLLY. POLLY PARROT. WAKE UP. POLLY. Now that's what I'd call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper: No, no, it's stunned.
Customer: Look, my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it, you assured me that it's lack of movement was was due to it being tired and shagged out after having a long squawk.
Shopkeeper: It's probably pining for the fjords.
Customer: Pining for the fjords. What kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back when I got it home?
Shopkeeper: The Norwegian Blue prefers keeping on its back. It's a beautiful bird, lovely plumage.
Customer: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot and I discovered that the only reason it was sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper: Well, of course it was nailed there. Otherwise, it would have muscled up to those bars and voom.
Customer: Look, matey. This parrot wouldn't voom if I put 4,000 volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Shopkeeper: It's not. Its pining.
Customer: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff, bereft of life. It rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Shopkeeper: Well, I better replace it then.
Customer: If you want to get anything done in this country, you have to complain until you are blue in the mouth.
Shopkeeper: Sorry, gov, we're right out of parrots.
Customer: I see, I see, I get the picture.
Shopkeeper: I've got a slug.
Customer: Does it talk?
Shopkeeper: Not really, no.
Customer: Well, it's scarcely replacement then, is it?
Shopkeeper: Listen, I tell you what, tell you what. If you'll go down to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace your parrot for you.
Customer: Bolton, eh?
Shopkeeper: Yeah.
Customer: Alright.

At this point, I hate ATT. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has been performed correctly. I could write it all, but it is simpler to say that everything that could possibly go wrong in a communications transaction has gone wrong. Some things that have gone wrong I never actually imagined. What makes me angry is that they jeopardized my business with their incompetence.

You have to complain until you are blue in the face. For 15 hours on the phone so far.

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